


Team failure

by Skaiaa



Series: My asshole boyfriend: Darkiplier [2]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Youtube RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: I love them so much, M/M, best nerds, look at these nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9364445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaiaa/pseuds/Skaiaa
Summary: Cooking class was a terrible idea. Especially the home recipes they were told to make. It was easier to buy the actual cake than to make it, especially with a horn ball teenager who resembled a shark in some sense, but only for his stupid chlorine smell that hung to his jacket, which was washed frequently, and that soft scent that wafted like a wave, pure, fresh, clean…, tugging at your clothes and pulling the apron strings tight to make you falter.





	

**Author's Note:**

> highschool darkiplier and jack drabbles are life tbh
> 
> We need more of them

There was a meticulous beating of gentle dripping batter making its way back into the bowl, which was dusted with flour, eggs, and we’re pretty sure it started out blue.

In a kitchen that was normally calm, there was unrest and sexual tension. “ Oh, for the love of- Is it t’at hard t’e keep yer hands t’e yourself fer even a blasted minute?”

A sly grin fell upon the person receiving the chiding. “Oh, but what fun is that; especially when you look so good in an apron.”

“ You’re in one too, smart ass.”

Cooking class was a terrible idea. Especially the home recipes they were told to make. It was easier to buy the actual cake than to make it, especially with a horn ball teenager who resembled a shark in some sense, but only for his stupid chlorine smell that hung to his jacket, which was washed frequently, and that soft scent that wafted like a wave, pure, fresh, clean…, tugging at your clothes and pulling the apron strings tight to make you falter.

They bantered constantly, but when it came to grades, one liked to make the other fall flat, so being partners, courtesy of the teacher, was a demon’s child rising from hell, little by little, scorching the ground on its way up; terrible. This was bound to end in turmoil and a failed test. They had to have photographic proof that they were working together, so Jack had his phone nestled in his back pocket, away from grabby hands and cake mix. Yet still, there were hands on his rear constantly, to which he growled, sighed, and then just accepted it. There was no use fighting it, for Dark was one persistent person.

“You’re supposed to be helping me, dumbfuck.”

“Language, Sean.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not in such a messy environment.”

“Pff- wow, just act proper and prim because of flour dust and eggshells. How funny.”

“I assume you are making a crack about my behavior, but I’ll let it roll off my back, and not nestle in my skull like a ginger locking away souls.”

“Oi!”

“Ole.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

“Your anger is humorous.”

“Piss off.”

“Branching out, I see.”

Jack rolled his eyes and went back to measuring things. A hand slid up his thigh and he whipped around, seething, until he saw just what he had done. Water and oil needed for cooking was coating Dark’s front, and the latter was simply blinking, looking down quietly before lifting his head up and locking eyes with the brunet.

“I do not appreciate that.” He knocked the measuring cup away, walking forward, eyes in their normal way, narrowed only slightly, smirk diminishing as he strode, pushing Jack backwards without any force at all, watching him walk backwards. Jack wasn’t as frightened of Dark as much as annoyed with his behavior, and the waste of materials.

“Well, I don’t appreciate being felt up by some clowny shark boy double in a dark, leather jacket and tight, ball killing jeans, so too bad.”

“Oh, how you wound me.”

“Good, now go clean up, because I am not failin’ t’ish t’ing because you decided to be, well, you.”

Dark merely snickered, but went off the change and clean himself up any way. As much fun as it was to sabotage things, it wasn’t worth the bitching, especially from a brunet who was having a hormonal imbalance and taking it out on that poor batter they had been creating. They had already had to go through the materials at least twice on failed attempts.

One time, it was because they made out by the counter and knocked it over, quite comically when Dark had hoisted the Irishman up onto it, and another was because they had been fighting and it had been thrown, splattering absolutely everywhere and having Dark boil under his façade. They had both cleaned it, and the earlier mess, washing the dishes, drying everything off, and starting anew, with little luck. 

The batter, however, was the color it was supposed to be, so they both were awaiting the final result with baited breath, that way, they could bitch about who did what and then give it to the neighbors or something.

The timer ticked by slowly as Jack put the cake pan into the oven, turning it to the right temperature, and letting out a little breath of relief. “Little to no mess this time.”

“Quite true.”

They were silent for a little while.

“Would you like something to drink,”Dark asked, breaking the silence.

“That depends, would it be some sort of alcohol with a cherry on top?”

“Funny, funny. I’m just dying of laughter.”

“Just calling them as I see them, Dark, and you’re a fruit cup lightweight.”

“Your memory doesn’t seem to be failing you, McLoughlin. I applaud that quality in you, but request you kindly to leave it behind and answer my simple question. Would you like a beverage?”

“Yes, please, actually.”

“That is all I wanted to know. See, was that so difficult?”

“Wise ass.”

“Properly educated posterior, thank you.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?”

“It was a joke, a play on words, humor,” 

Dark was filling glasses with green tea. 

“ I expected you to understand, what with all your crude jokes and cynical humor.”

“Crude? You are more crude than anyone in that entire school, yet you pass it off t’e someone else? How unbelievably daft can ye get?”

“Not daft, dear Jackaboy,” He set the glasses down, nodding at which one Sean was assigned, taking hold of his own gingerly, “more of a judgment from a certain perspective, which is not your own, to see through anothers’ eyes.” He sipped his drink, peering at the brunet over the glass, awaiting the continuation of the conversation.

Jack merely rolled his eyes.

They remained in silence for a little longer.

“Do you honestly find me so bitter?”

The Irishman looked up, confused for a second before realization dawned. “Bitter? You’re anything but bitter.”

“ Then why do we fight like felines and canines?”

“Because you talk like a textbook, have an air of a pimp, for lack of a better word, and have an inflated ego that files out of that head of yours wit’ t’e volume it contains,” Jack reasoned, brushing a stray bang back into place on the tanned Asian’s face.

Dark shoved the hand away, scowling.

“Ye know what, I take it back, ye are very bitter.”

“With good reason.”

“So you admit it?”

“Your allegations are false.”

“ Mhmm, of course,” he replied sarcastically.

They watched the timer boredly.

“ Confectionary items take the longest time to bake.”

“It’d be faster if we hadn’t messed up the settings, which need to be fixed before you haul ass, by the way.”

“True. I do not think behaving in such a way was too smart on either of our part as a whole.”

“Where the hell did you even get the wrench?”

“Under the sink.”

“What the fuck, Fischbach, that almost hit me.”

“That was the point. Throwing wrenches without a purpose is ridiculous.”

Jack sighed. “Well, either way, I’m screwed if it doesn’t work and my parents investigate.”

“ Very true.”

“So cynical.”

“Indeed.”

Jack rolled his eyes, but smiled slightly. “Sooo…I’m going to start calling you Darkimoo in school, to match your online persona.”

“You will do no such thing.”

“Hey, better than shark breath.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I know, but I needed to do something t’e pass the time.” He looked at the timer and laid his head on the counter, cool against his forehead. “ And we still have like fifteen minutes to kill.”

There was a minute of peace with them both appreciating the silence, before a movement of slinking and a hand upon his posterior alerted Sean about just how Dark wanted to pass the time. He kicked him hard in the shin and there was a gentle hiss disguised with laughter.

“We do not have time for that.”

“And if we did, ” Dark challenged.

“I’d much rather eat a rock.”

“Kinky.”

“Idiot.”

He merely laughed. “You’re awful curt today, Jackaboy.”

“And you are no less grabby than ye usually are.”

“Touché.”

The timer finally rang they both went to stop it, hands landing on each other , but simply pushing the button and detaching. Life was too short to treat every moment like a simple touch ruled the world. Sorry, middle school wedding girl dreams, but the world didn’t work like that, especially for these two. They were either at each others’ throats, playing around stupidly, fucking, or loathing each other silently with dirty glances. There was no way they would ever commit to that, especially since the relationship was already abusive enough. Don’t get them wrong, it was a perfect twist of ignorance, bliss, and pain, but such things were looked down upon and they both were oh so busy.

Dark flipped off the oven and Jack retrieved the cake, which smelled wonderful, was soft and moist, and actually didn’t burn. Yes, victory for the fail team.

And now came the decorating and picture taking. Oh boy…

They iced the cake evenly, focused on getting this done so they could put it away and have it completely ou-

Icing on the nose.

How mature.

Scrunching up his face and then attempting to lick the stray icing, Jack continued, til the Asian put icing on his lips, eyes narrowed, flicking his glance up at an amused teenager on the other stool, waving with a simple movement of his fingers.

“You look nice in that color.”

“Will you just focus on the cake?”

“Nah, too busy thinking about your cute pale face covered in vanilla icing to focus on this sweet monstrosity.”

Sean’s cheeks heated up slightly in embarrassment, and also indignation.

Dark smiled smugly. 

He had gotten the reaction he wanted.

Wiping his face clean, Jack finished icing the cake quickly and decorated it carefully, using a steady hand to make the design whilst Dark wrote over the spreads of setting pastries with with a thin gel lining, focused on making it right.

Both Sean and Dark had been taking photos throughout the thing, thankfully, but, as time to decorate drew to a close, the Asian wanted just one more.

Taking the phone, he quickly gripped Jack by the hip, wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s torso and spun him, biting his lip, licking the icing, thankfully getting the cake in view of the photo as well, pressing the button with a skilled finger before tossing his phone aside and ravishing the Irish teen’s mouth, which he was surprised he was met back with kisses with no complaint.

“Happy valentine’s day” shown on the cake, and the two actually smiled for once, making a face at the camera, taking another picture, and then putting both phone and the cake in a safe place.

“So romantic, Darkimoo. I'm positively swooning.”

“Hush.”

Jack merely rolled his eyes and turned around, beginning to walk away.

Dark gave him a firm, quick swat to the ass as punishment for the nickname.

The yelp that followed was the conversation starter for a least a month afterward.


End file.
